Sex Sex Sex by Briton Underwood
Opinions are like...
When the Selfie Queen asks you for an opinion piece, you do it. You pretty much do anything a queen asks you to do, that's my opinion on that matter.
How do I stretch that into an entire piece, while also making it suitable for the elite hall of Original Bunker Punks? I'm screwed!
Well, I couldn't. After three or four paragraphs I fell flat on my face, babbling about loneliness, respect and Mickey Mouse.
Regardless, I promised a queen. I must produce or it’s off with my head.
So, to fulfill my duties, I will talk about the best activity ever! One that I encourage everyone to take part in, right now, screw this article!
I'm talking horizontal shuffle, bumping uglies, getting ya freak on!
Sex is WONDERFUL!
All three of my kids were procreated on a beach after a night of drinking tequila. Even though my wife now has her tubes tied, we stay away from tequila just to be safe.
We do not, however, shy away from sneaking some afternoon delight during nap time.
As a parent to three high maintenance boys and a full time job, I don't get to the gym a lot. I am chubby and have accepted I'll never run a mile in under five minutes again. I do have sex though! And often! Other than sex, the only exercise I get is stretching, so I can be limber during coitus.
I think the key to any good relationship is an ability to cut a corner for a quickie while the kids eat goldfish and watch Kipper.
I love when my kids throw tantrums. They lead to naps. Naps lead to mommy daddy time. And by mommy daddy time I mean bang bang with the sex parts.
Those parents who smile even though their kids are acting like monsters, they are still getting their shag on!
Someone once told me after three kids, we could say goodbye to our sex life. Well, talk about being wrong! We still fornicate like horny teens whose parents are away for the weekend.
Just to keep it classy, sometimes when I'm at work I text my wife, "Can't wait to come home and take you to blowjob palace!" Because I'm an adult.
The best advice I can give parents is to have sex whenever possible. If you're really tired do the side-by-side! Buy a Karma Sutra book and get your freak on! Reenact fifty shades of grey!
Fuck. Often.
Briton Underwood- Briton’s popular blog, “Punk Rock Papa: Adventures In Fatherhood” is a hilarious yet heartfelt take on being a young father. He is a self- proclaimed hipster and father to two Punk Rock toddler twins and an up-and-coming baby Punk. Briton believes that Jesus loves all of His children, even the ones with Mohawks. He reigns over the blogging group, the “Brainstorm Bunker, a fast-growing blogging group who shares ideas and laughter with each other every day. Briton’s most prized possession is his pair of green skinny jeans. Follow him here: http://punkrockpapa.wordpress.com/