Eyes Forward my Love
- Christina Reno- Johnson
- Jan 23, 2015
- 3 min read
Inevitably, we all have done something in our past that we are transported to at the drop of a hat, and wish we could go back and undo what was done. I know in my life I have done entirely too many things that when looking back, I am ashamed of or reacted in such a way that I hurt someone in the process. I without a doubt hate when I do this. Especially when those things in the past bring up all the buried hurt.
Without meaning to, I start thinking about those past hurts and it starts affecting how I feel towards the person that hurt me. It is not right, not in the least, to rehash those things and keep holding them against the person that hurt me. They can't change the past and neither can I; it is such a harmful cycle to get stuck in.
My relationship with my husband has had major issues, trials, strife and years of held in and brushed off hurt. So much so, that we separated for nearly 2 years. When we started talking about getting back together it was necessary for us to come to terms with our past and work through those old hurts. His family was a constant cause of stress and frustration but I can not allow their cruelty to cause my feelings for my husband to change.
Our pasts are meant to be just that, the past.
Nothing good has ever come from dwelling on the past. Sure, our present attitudes and ways of thinking have come from our past- both good and bad. But when we have had negative experiences most of our lives, it can create a feeling of insecurity and wounds that are soul-deep.
16 years-ago I met the sweetest and most kind man I have ever had the honor of knowing. He supported me through a very difficult pregnancy, PPD, major health crises, and the loss of my father. Through all of it there were unresolved issues that we never talked about. His mom was hell-bent on causing drama and chaos. Slowly, the sweet love we had for each other was turning into resentment. Our rare arguments started turning into a daily occurrence. We stopped sleeping in the same room. Finally, I was done. I wanted to feel what we were before life came between us. I walked away and stayed away for nearly 2 years.
Then one day I was dropping our son off and I let my walls down. I pushed away all the resentment and truly saw him. I really looked at him and saw him through eyes of forgiveness and love. I saw his depression, his wounds and his undying love for me. My heart softened just enough to let my mind start remembering all the good we had together.
As we started trying to be the spouses we should be, on occasion I would think about the hurt and lash out. He didn't deserve it. I needed to grow up and let all the hurt be in the past because we were starting our lives together anew.
Today we are closer than we have ever been. He is my best friend, my partner in crime, my biggest fan and my heart. Letting go of the past has been the best decision I could have made. I know our love will last and will endure whatever challenges life throws at us. As we go into our future, our eyes and our hearts will be looking forward. We will always leave the past where it belongs, in the past.
"Oh the Joys of Parenthood" is Christina's raw, unfiltered and honest outlook on parenthood and the life of a stay at home mom to a sassy, yet amazing preteen son and wife of Rand, a wonderful man with OCD. Christina has two spoiled fur babies that never leave her side. She writes what she feels deep in her soul and is passionate about what she writes. She enjoys quite time, -rare as it may be- reading and relaxing in a nice bubble bath with a lovely glass of Rose' for about 15 minutes, or until the door starts getting knocked on. Kids...pffftt.
You can follow her here:
Comments