Is it that Fucking Difficult

Is it that fucking difficult to deal with me?

I admit that I’m not the easiest person to get along with but once I’ve been figured out (yes, this takes actual work), it’s actually very simple. I’m loyal. I’m trustworthy. I’ll take your secret with me wherever life leads me. I’m truthful. Don’t question me, I know what I’m doing. You may not like how I’m doing it but I have to do what works for me. I’ll let you know when I need input, help, suggestions, and advice. I do not need to be fixed. I’m independent. I actually enjoy being alone and doing things for myself. It might not be on your timeline but I will handle my shit. I don’t want your stuff. Or your money. I want to be happy. I’m blunt and forceful at times but I always take your feelings into account. I’m not rude. I say please and thank you. I go out of my way to be gracious to all. I’m terribly offensive. If I’m not picking on you; I hate you. I try not to judge. My favorite saying is, “You got to do what you got to do”- I believe this. My other favorite saying is, “Let go; let God.” I don’t even think I believe in God but that quote means more than that. If you get it? You get me.

I’m a bad friend in the everyday sense. I don’t return phone calls. I’m always late. I’m good friend because I will throw a brick through your ex’s window. I will stay up all night with you while you whine about your kids, boyfriend, husband, etc… I will drink vodka with you, anytime. I will write a glowing reference for you. I will fill out your divorce papers. I will feed your dog (and eat your food) while you’re out of town. I will watch your kids. I’m a fantastic partner. I will cook for you, clean for you, and do pretty much anything you ask. I am a bitch. I have anxiety. Crowds can sometimes give me nightmares for weeks. Other times, I’m fine. I don’t do spur of the moment unless it’s “my” spur of the moment. I like to wear pajamas. All the time.

Sometimes I like to get sexy and be the pretty girl. I have a lot of clothes for someone who doesn’t wear clothes that often. I’m not perfect. Not even close. I yell, scream, cry, and get emotional. I get over things in a minute. Or two. I love (need) to shop. I need to read books. I need mindless television. I have varied interests. They change. I’m oftentimes juvenile, and make poor choices. Sometimes I require a chaperone. I’m quick to hug you if you’re blue. I’m quick to throat punch you if you’re being an ass-munching fucktard. I like cake.

Is it that fucking difficult to grasp?

I don’t like liars. I don’t like phony fucks. This seems easy to me. It isn’t. Don’t cheat on me. Don’t steal from me. Don’t talk about me behind my back – people I want in my life will talk shit to my face and praise me behind my back. Don’t pull me into your drama-filled bullshit because you need an extra hand. Don’t fill my head with what you think you can do for me or what you can buy me. Be there for me. When I’m happy, sad, whenever. I need you to communicate. The bad, the good, the indifferent. I need it sooner than later. I expect the same from you as I expect from myself. A lot. Do not waste my time. Love me for me, not who you want me to be or expect me to be. Make decisions. Don’t ask for my honest opinion unless you want it. Be you; whoever you are. Have interests. I cannot be your life. Be trustworthy. Trust is the only the only belief that can last forever or be broken in the blink of an eye and never regained. Trust is the one thing everyone you ever meet will remember about you. You can’t take back what you’ve already said. Ever. It will always be there. Hanging in the air like a cartoon bubble but not funny. Not even a little. Don’t hold on to anger. Don’t hide. I will find you, eventually.

Don’t gossip. Instead, people watch. Make up stories. Laugh until it hurts, then laugh again. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Don’t take me or anyone else who matters, for granted. You’ll miss us when we’re gone. I will not fix you. Fix yourself. Be strong. I need someone with a backbone. I’ll take advantage of you, no consciously, but it will happen. Don’t be lazy. Lazy is for losers. Make up songs. Know movie quotes. Give respect. Like cake. Life is short, motherfucker.

I ask again, Is it that fucking difficult?

Sandrea Elizabeth Awad- aka PPB aka The Precious Princess - The Princess is a twice divorced, recently dumped, recently unemployed, self-proclaimed member of the mentally hilarious. She has been referred to as living under a rock stocked with vodka and anger. Her 12 year old “Mini”, who is carbon copy of the Princess, is often the subject of blogs, and Facebook posts. In addition, she writes about dating, the dumbness of boys, life after 40, and shares stories from Bananaland which is both her past and current residence. She is the owner/sole admin for the Facebook page Precious Princess's Guide to Bananaland where she is famous for her rants and her blunt, honest, and sarcastic look at life. She blogs both extremely funny and all-the-feels posts at Princess Bananaland. She hates people, kids, and karaoke. She uses all the swears and makes up dirty words. Eventually when she’s done being sloth-like, she will write a book. Be afraid.